Fake Neal Huntington

Chris Jakubauskas. Boom. You’re welcome.

The reports about us pocketing revenue sharing money are absurd. Haven’t you seen the new sofa made of solid gold in the owner’s lounge yet?

Somewhere in here is a joke about Andrew McCutchen being robbed of ROTY. Just like he robs batters of base hits. There it is.

Capps for Hardy? How could you not pull the trigger on that deal, Brewers! It’s like you’re still mad about that whole hitting Braun thing.

Who’s got two thumbs and dropped some players from the 40-man to get ready for the Rule 5 draft?! This guy!!

Deep thought: We didn’t trade Freddy Sanchez. Freddy Sanchez traded us.

Iwamura is precious. He hopes we make the playoffs? Adorable.

Chavez, we will miss you. But mostly your incredible hair.

Carlos Garcia. Boom. You’re welcome.

Whadda ya mean when you say, “the Pirates aren’t in the Series,” Mr. Commissioner?